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Apr 16 2013

TAKE CONTROL

  Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain
but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.
-Dale Carnegie

In my last two posts, I talked about how negative I used to be and that I’d made some changes in my life. I also said that I’ll use the next number of posts to give you some tips that helped me.

Since I was an angry and bitter person, I had to understand where that was coming from. The people who were experiencing my anger were not necessarily the ones who were causing it!

anger - thunderboltMY ANGER

I’m going to be very personal here, in hopes that I may help some of you who might be struggling in the same or similar area. In my twenty’s, I realized that most of my anger stemmed from the way I had been treated by my mother. The details are not important here. What IS important is that I was angry at her. I couldn’t tell her that I was angry. I couldn’t expect her to change. I wanted to have a good relationship with her, but realized that was impossible. The most I could hope for was a functional one.

The biggest thing for me was accepting the fact that I could not change my mother and I couldn’t expect to have a good relationship with her. That was hard to accept, but once I did, then I could start working on myself and how I was going to handle the situation.

STOP BLAMING

You’ve heard the quote: you can’t control what happens to you; you can only control how you react or respond. I was not handling it very well. I was trying to survive, and blaming the way I felt on my mother. I first had to stop blaming my mother for my own behaviour. I was an adult and she had no more control over me! At least, she shouldn’t have had. BUT I allowed her to control me.

It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself,
that determines how your life’s story will develop.
~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

 

TAKE CONTROL

So I took over the control of my own life. I stopped allowing her to manipulate me. I chose when I wanted to spend time with her. I determined how often I was going to see her. That took guts. I didn’t have much self-esteem at the time, and no backbone! But I was tired of being the way I was. Besides just being in control of my own life, I also wanted to respect my mother and honour her. I wanted to love her and set a good example for my own children. How could I possibly do that?

I needed to forgive my mom!
Forgive? I had to forgive her for the way she’d been treating me? Really? Seriously?
Not easy to do! But I did it.

 

I’ll talk about that in my next post.

ACTION STEP FOR YOU

In the meantime, here’s an action step for you. Think about people in your past who have hurt you. Have you dealt with the hurt? Are you still being controlled by feelings and thoughts of that person or those people? Are you thinking that you couldn’t possibly forgive them for what they did to you? That’s okay. The first thing I’d like you to do is to make a list of those who’ve hurt you and you’re still reeling from it. You haven’t let it go. What is causing your anger, your pain, your bitterness and resentment? Write it down. Next week we’ll deal with that.

6 comments

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  1. Margaret Penner

    I’m so glad you were able to resolve your issues. PTL. Life is so hard when you don’t know what’s causing the problems, & in the meantime others in our life get hurt! Lots of love.

    1. Betty

      Margaret – thanks for your comments. And for your support.

  2. Colleen

    Wow! This is so personal but thank you for sharing this to allow others to learn from your experience. You have been an inpiration to me since I was a little girl and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I would love to give you a big hug right now. Colleen

    1. Betty

      Colleen – thanks for the virtual hug. And for your positive comments. That’s what I want to do – help others who might be going through difficult experiences. 🙂

  3. Karen

    I love how Jack Canfield says, “Rule #1 – Take Responsibility For Your Life!”

    Your life is such a blessing to me.
    Karen recently posted..Golden Retrievers Bring Comfort to Newtown ConnecticutMy Profile

    1. Betty

      Thanks, Karen. Taking responsibility for our own lives gives a lot of freedom to those around us!

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