Jul 05 2012


If you stop feeding your feelings they’ll stop controlling you.
–Joyce Meyer

How often do we allow our feelings to control our decision making? In my previous post, I talk about making Swinging bridge - focusedsmart decisions. That means we have to get out of our emotional brain to see the big picture.


I had an incident almost two years ago that I still vividly remember. The details are not significant in the story; the way I handled the situation is extremely important. Needless to say, I did not handle it well. Needless to say, i did not focus on the solution! I focused on the problem.

A family member made a decision that affected me and I was offended. Instead of focusing on the solution, which is what I should have done – especially knowing what I do from my training – I focused on the problem! I allowed my emotions to control me and all I could see was the problem.

I learned a lot! I hurt people in the process. I allowed myself to have a pity party. I had ‘pitiful thoughts’, not ‘powerful thoughts’. My self-talk was negative and it drastically affected my mood. All I could think about was how hurt and offended I was. I was stuck in my emotional brain! I didn’t even stop to think about why the decision was made in the first place. It had nothing to do with me. But I made it all about me. How stupid!!! Definitely not smart.

The end result was that we all got hurt. I could have prevented the hurt feelings if I had changed my self-talk and tried to understand the other person and the reason for the decision. …if I had been solution focused!

Thank the Lord, after all was said and done, the issue was resolved by talking about it and understanding the other person’s point of view. Thank the Lord, the other family member was willing to listen to my point of view, even though we didn’t agree. Our love for each other won out. In the end, we did focus on a solution because our relationship was important to us.


I’m so ashamed of the way I acted. I learned some valuable lessons!

  • Get out of my emotional brain
  • Look at the big picture
  • Be Solution Focused
  • Focus on the solution – not on the problem
  • Don’t be offended
  • Change my self-talk
  • Think positive thoughts

I should have asked myself: Then what? If I had, my behaviour would have been quite different. It would have had a positive outcome. No one would have been hurt and I could have saved myself the heartache. ….next time!

Focus 90% of your time on solutions and only 10% of your time on problems.
–Anthony J. D’Angelo

What about you?

What about you? I’m sure you can think of incidents that you didn’t handle well. We can learn from the past so we don’t make the same mistakes in the future. (Sometimes I’m a slow learner) Think ahead and plan how you will be solution focused in the next situation that comes along.  You want to have a positive outcome. Please leave a comment and tell me about the lessons you’ve learned along the way.



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