Apr 03 2013



You have a choice.Last week I told you about how I was able to start loving myself when I was able to accept that God loved me. Up to that point I thought I was unlovable and no one could love me. It took me a long time to start seeing that I had value and that others could actually like me, let alone love me!

Because I didn’t like myself, I kept people at arm’s length. I thought if I just stayed in control of my life and everything in it, I was protecting myself from being hurt and rejected. I put up walls around me and it was hard for others to break through. It was hard for me to trust that others had my best interest at heart. Because I had been hurt and hadn’t dealt with the pain, I became a bitter person inside. On the outside it was often easy to ‘fake’ it, because of my outgoing personality. But I’m sure people could see through it and either saw my pain or my anger. I thought that I was in control, but it was actually my anger and bitterness that controlled me.


Yes, I was an angry person! I was negative. I was a victim. Others were to blame for my pain and my bitterness. I blamed others for my unhappiness. Negative thoughts were the norm for me. The more negative I became inside, the more negative my life became. Focusing on my negative situation or my past didn’t produce anything positive in my life.

I’d like to say that after I started to accept God’s love and realize my own worthiness, all my negative junk disappeared. But life wasn’t that easy. I still had to deal with my anger, my negative thinking, my blaming and my self-pity. What a process. …a long process!

I felt very insecure and got defensive easily! (Can you relate?) I had developed such bad habits and a negative attitude that it took a long time to change. I’m still working on it. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m definitely not where I used to be.

One thing that really helped me was to read books on how to change my thinking and how to improve my relationships. I would try something and fail. Then I would try it again – and fail again. But I never gave up and gradually failed less and less. Like I said, it’s a process – a long one. I don’t think I’ll ever be finished. I still deal with insecurities from time to time. I still struggle with negative thoughts from time to time. I still struggle in some relationships from time to time. But I am not giving up. I keep getting better and better!

Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.
–Maya Angelou

 AWARENESSmaking life change

The very first step was to be aware of how I was acting. Once I was aware of it, and realized that it was the cause of my unhappy life, I didn’t want to act like that anymore. 

The next step was to be willing to change. I didn’t want to stay stuck in that downward spiral.

Once I was willing, I looked for resources to help me. They were all around me.



Over the next number of weeks, I’m going to talk about some things that have helped me and continue to help me. I’ll give you one tip a week and let you practise it, if you think it would help you.


Please leave a comment about something that has helped you.
Or you can ask for me to address a specific issue you struggle with.
(You can email me with that if you don’t want the rest of the readers to know.)


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  1. Karen

    Well said, Betty.
    It has been said that once we’re ready to learn, the teacher will appear.
    Negative thinking is a bad habit and with a little help, we can turn it around.
    Karen recently posted..Golden Retrievers Bring Comfort to Newtown ConnecticutMy Profile

    1. Betty

      You’re right, Karen. It’s a bad habit, which is why it takes work to change it. Thanks for the reminder.

      1. Rekha

        Great stuff and very well put together Betty.

        Yes, it does take a while to cultivate that habit and discipline ourselves to think positive and only positive in life. But once we realize the power of positive thinking, it all starts falling in right place and find that teacher in ourselves.

        As said by Joseph Sugarman, “Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity.”

        And also by Og Mandino
        “I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”


        1. Betty

          Rekha – I love the quotes! Thanks for your comments a bout cultivating the habit to think positively. It does take time, but it sure is worth it, isn’t it?

  2. Margaret Penner

    Very well put together, I remember that Betty, & PTL you opted for change which has brought out the best of you. You are special & have been a special friend for almost as long as we have lived, which is awhile! Blessings.

    1. Betty

      Thanks for the affirmation, Margaret! Yes, you went through some of it with me. Thanks for your support!

  3. Annette

    Great blog, Betty! Our attitudes, thoughts and behaviour become habits and habits become or destiny. good for you for your persistence in dong something about your thoughts and attitudes. But most important for accepting God’s love for you.

    1. Betty

      Annette, thank you for your (always) positive outlook! We do have to watch our thoughts so they don’t form into bad habits!

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