Jun 04 2013

Change Your Story

Everything will change when your desire to move on exceeds your desire to hold on. -Alan H. Cohen



I’ve been hurt – I’ve forgiven – now what? You’ve been hurt. You’ve been offended. Now what?

You tell everyone you know what happened. You tell your husband, your friends, your sister, your co-worker. Every time you get together with someone, they hear all about how someone has hurt you.

Every time you repeat the story, you re-live it! By retelling it, you keep it alive. You go through it again. You get hurt all over again. You feel those emotions again. You get angry again. How do you feel after you’ve repeated your painful story? Certainly no peace or joy! You focus on your own pain. You’re focusing on self-pity. Self-pity serves no purpose.

In order to move forward and not be held bondage by what happened to you, you have a choice. The best thing to do is to forgive the person who hurt you. It’s not easy – see my previous post.

Then, every time you start thinking about what happened, stop your thoughts. Change your story. Think of something positive to tell yourself.

CHANGE YOUR SELF-TALKChange your Self-talk

Start with:

  • I have forgiven …
  • I will not be offended.
  • I am learning from this experience.
  • I am strong.
  • I am valuable.
  • I’m moving forward.
  • I’m thankful for …


Think about the positive things in your day and your life. Think about the people in your life who encourage you up. Forget about what happened. It’s in the past – it doesn’t serve you.

Do not dwell on who let you down. Cherish those who hold you up.


Now start focusing on the present – be grateful for what you have. Today, make a list of ten things you’re thankful for. Add to that list daily. When your mind starts wandering to that pain again, or you start thinking about the person who hurt you, change your thinking to “I’m thankful for…” Keep thinking of things you’re thankful for – keep on seeing the positive in your life. It will change your attitude! Trust me – I know – I’ve been there.

In doing this, your emotions will become healthy again. You can focus on the positive relationships in your life. If you don’t have healthy emotions, you won’t have healthy relationships.

If you have any other tips about how to stop the story, please leave a comment so we can all learn from each other.

When we don’t deal with things, they end up dealing with us.
~Joyce Meyer




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  1. Margaret Penner

    you do a very nice job of writing this, it’s interesting, short, good quotes & has good informational tools.

    1. Betty

      Thank you Margaret. I keep it short because most people don’t have the time or attention span to read long articles! I hope the tips and tools will be beneficial for the readers.

  2. Annette

    Excellent points, Betty. The points you make in how to change your self talk are all about making positive choices. It is through positive choices that we can make changes.

    1. Betty

      How true! We all have choices, don’t we?

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